This is my downer

Well I read other blogs and people write about the good and the bad so today Im going to write about the bad ..
I'm out of sorts ...
Today SB appears in court for the MF bashing and I really wanted to go but mum couldn't go with me .. instead of finding somebody else I have just feel to pieces.
I think I can explain myself by saying that Mick struggles with expressing himself so I think today I was looking for emotion strangely , I was looking for something , We have this dark cloud hanging over our head that maybe has always been there , but over the last 6 mths its always there , it seems we have one thing after another go wrong and that MF will once get away with what his done. No child should have to suffer sexual abuse, the system does not protect children , sentences are light , the abuser all but gets away with it, they maybe known as a child predator , but they get to go along with there life, yet the victims live in a dark world, its always in the back of the mind, you try and hide your hatred but it never leaves you, the fear of the unknown is always with you because some sick human being took trust from you.At some point you try and make peace with yourself but you know whats out there and what some people are capable of doing , you learn to trust no-one you are always thinking the worst ... yet as I said a child abuser gets to keep living there life with there sick thoughts and needs.
I wonder if its true once an abuser always an abuser , in our family .. the abuser continue on with there life , they say they have reasons , they say get on with your life ... but who repairs the damage .. who says im sorry this has happened.
We are supposed to trust a legal system that time and time again lets victims down and they wonder why it takes people so long to come forward.
The victim once again becomes a victim. I dont have victim written on my forehead , I was made one ... not by choice but because somebody forced me to be that.
I feel like I have a fight of my own ... I dont know why , I get angry , I get lost in it all , sometimes I get so overwhelmed by it , its so hard to walk away from it.
So my problem is , Mick is dealing with it his way, SB dealt with it his way, Why can I not find my way, Why am I so lost in it all.
Im trying to see that SB took the better way out, thats going to be his justice, because he had something taken from him ... is innocence ... so he took something back .... Anger, Hatred.
Ok so now I feel better, I have vented what is in my head.
To all you that know how it feels to have innocence taken away from you, Protect your own, protect all children from the hands of a sick human, that will be your justice.